Today I have no desire to look at the battered helm of grief in my life; those shards of glass imbedding themselves in my skin for all time, on the day Bill died.
During the early days of my loss, I went numb when I could no longer handle the grief. No sorrow, but no joy either.
There has to be a better way.
I am reminded of the 1991 movie, “What About Bob”, where the psychiatrist, Dr. Leo Marvin (played by Richard Dreyfuss) gives a prescription to his multi-phobic client, Bob Wiley (Bill Murray): “Take a vacation from your problems.”
So today I rest…distract myself with a frivolous book, a good friend and a browse through my favorite cottage shop…to give my mind, soul and body a reprieve.
Just for today.
Are you grief weary? How do you care for yourself on the days when it’s all just too much?
[…] Read Grief Weary? […]
Yes, I am exhausted from grief weariness, my eldest son is currently missing and suicidal – self care is a priority, remembering to eat right, exercise (walk), pray – the Spirit of the Living God is my strength, ask others for prayer covering, allow my feelings to flow -give myself permission to openly mourn, in safe environments with safe people – writing helps.
Annette,
I like your healthy ways of managing your grief. I am so very sorry about your son. I will be praying for you and for him.
Annette,
I am glad you reached out here for prayers and wrote about what is going on in your life. I will keep you and your son in my prayers as well. My God give you both comfort and strength.
Two websites I found to be very helpful are griefshare.org and secondfirsts.com
Thanks, Kathryn!
Jenny, Your Sam sounds a lot like my Jerry. It’s so hard when you lose your best friend and the one who knows you like no one else does. Reaching out to others that suffered the same loss and are traveling this journey of grief has helped me. Today at church our pastor’s sermon was facing the trials in this life, including loss of a loved one. His style of introducing new ministries is to interview people, so he interviewed me regarding being a widow and starting the GriefShare program. The nicest thing I heard after this was a man who came up to me and said “I wish I had known your husband”. Then of course it opened the door for others to talk to be about their loss. It’s certainly not the way I expected my life to be. I thought we would grow old together, but God had other plans.
Kathryn,
Thank you for your comments. I too never saw my life turning out this way. Being almost 11 months into this journey, I still can’t believe it is true and I am still riding the waves. Somedays are easier than others, which is progress since I was living one breath at a time. It is wonderful that God is using you to help so many others that are grieving. What a wonderful comment by a man at your church about your husband. When I hear stories of Sam and all the incredible things he did, I have to ask myself how did I get so lucky to be a part of his life. I pray that God will use me to help others as well and for all my pain and heartache to be used to glorify God and how he is helping me ride out these waves. Thank you again for your comments…it means so much that you shared your story.
Jenny, I highly recommend GriefShare. It has been so helpful in my healing and I can see the healing taking place in the members of the group. When people open up and are honest about their feelings and accept the comfort only the Lord can give they begin to realize that they can begin to accept and live with the “New normal”. Sandie, I guess the hardest for me to bear is the lonliness and learning to be “single” again. I always had Jerry to be there for me and understand. I have many good friends that are there for me, but I lost my best friend and that is hard.
Kathryn,
I appreciate the recommendation. God is the only one that can heal our pain and help us reach the other side of grief. I am grateful for all the people I feel God puts in my path as I travel this journey. It is very difficult for me to deal with losing Sam. For he was my best friend…I miss the conversations and most of all I miss having the one person on this earth that truly knew me inside and out. My discussions here on GriefWalk have been a blessings. I am glad you responded and hope you will visit often.
Kathryn,
It took me a long time to even admit I could be lonely. So many adjustments, aren’t there?
I am surprised at how long grief lingers. I am very good at distracting myself most days, but its when i get quiet and stop that I am reminded how much the grief is still there, how new it feels some days, and it is always shocking. I am very blessed to find this blog, thank you for your honest writing. Although I am facing grief for different reasons it helps the heart to find a blog like this one.
Thank you , K.
I’m so glad you found my blog. Grief is grief and grief is hard no matter the source!
Kathryn,
I’ve heard of GriefShare. How wonderful you are using your experience with grief, to help others.
What has been the hardest for you to bear in your grief walk?
Sandie, My husband, Jerry, went to be with the Lord 4 years ago. He was the love of my life and my very best friend. He always encouraged and supported me and knew me like no one else. My faith has brought me a long way. I have to say the best way to heal is to reach out to others experiencing the same loss. I attended and am now facilitating a GriefShare group at my church. It is an excellent program for all who are on a journey from mourning to joy.
Kathryn,
I am sorry for your loss of your husband. I lost the love of my life and best friend almost 11 months ago. This website has been a wonderful place for me to share my grief and receive encouragement from those traveling the road to healing. Seeing that you are a Griefshare faciliator is very inspiring to me. I have the book and receive the daily emails from Griefshare, but have never attended the group. I too hope that one day my journey will help others as they walk this path of grief. I hope you will continue to visit this site and maybe join our discussions under the GriefTalk tab…your experience can only help those of us new to the journey. This is most definitely a trip that is best when traveled with others. .
Susan,
Thank you so much for sharing this blog post on Grief Heals. 🙂
[…] through my favorite cottage shop…to give my mind, soul and body a reprieve.Just for today.Read Grief Weary? Yes, taking a break!In the first few months of grief, we all go through daily life on autopilot […]
Kathryn,
I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband. How long ago was this?
I’d like to hear your story if you’d like to share. How are you doing?
I love your ideas about getting reprieves from grief. Thank you so much!
One way of escape for me is to get out into nature, either to the beach or maybe a local park and just spend time remembering and praying. Sometimes I need to be alone and other times I need to be with good friends. Listening to music, watching a movie, reading (enjoy the Psalms) also enjoy just escaping into a fiction book. Just need to remember that my husband would want me to go on and enjoy life and continue to receive healing.
Jenny,
I love a good mystery too.
Yes, it is ok to take a break! Wish I had known that back in my first year.
Sandi,
Grief is so exhausting and it took me months to realize I could take a break. In the early months after Sam passed away, I felt guilty when I realized I was not crying or hurting. I believe you described it so well as numb. One day it dawned on me that it was okay to take a break and allow myself to just enjoy myself. Isn’t that what Sam would want, me enjoying life. My favorite escape is a good mystery book. I will gather my book, citronella candles, plate of cheese and crackers, cold beverage and relax on my front porch. I prop my feet up on a chair and open my book as the world around me disappears. There are nights when I am holding the book close to the candle light to finish a chapter before returning to my world of grief.
Great topic and I am going to try and find a copy of the movie you mentioned. There is nothing better than laughter after crying for so many months.