Archive for May, 2012

My walk to the cemetery took longer than I thought it would. It was nearly dark and I hesitated going down the last road where deer roamed in and out of the woods on either side.

Bill seemed far away.

I left and went by the apartment I first lived in after he died ten years ago. There was a ‘for rent’ sign in front of the one-hundred year old home. No sensor lights welcomed me as they had when I lived there…up forty-seven winding steps to my attic apartment among the tree tops.

Sometimes I wish I was still in that cozy place, with it’s knotty pine walls, latticed windows and a brick chimney in the center of the livingroom. My hideaway at a time when I was fresh with grief and needed space with no demands made upon me.

I could watch the world below go on as usual, while mine had shifted and I had no idea what it would become.

Certainly I’m not longing for my grief to return as in the bloom of those days. Yet, somehow,  Bill seemed closer…even in my agony.

Can you relate to this?


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“Cry when you must, laugh when you can.”           

                                  Earl Grollman                                                      

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