Grief’s Best Gifts

This week was my birthday. I got out the cards Bill gave me through the many years of our marriage.

I’m far enough on the other side of his death so I can chuckle as I recall the mock fights we had in the early years. This was over the practical  gifts he would buy me…like pots and pans.

Somewhere along the way it changed. I began getting hand-made notes alternating with store-bought cards.

For example: A hand drawn valentine on Valentine’s day with the poem:

“Roses are reder

Violets are bluer                            

Because of youer”.

On a birthday:  stick figures of the two of us, him with his nikes on…ready to run at a moment’s notice; taking me with him.

And a simple paper bookmark: “To my dear wife, Love Bill. ”

I took these all in stride; not realizing their true value til he was gone: Priceless.

What has increased in value for you since your loved one died?

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Grief “Triggers”

I’ve been hearing a lot about, and experiencing triggers in grief lately…that sudden and unexpected transition into yesteryear. You’re going along doing ok and something happens to set off your grief.

Inevitably, if we look for a connection, there is something about the event which hits a sore spot.

For me, my most recent experience was when my sister could have died in a house fire, (she’s fine), but it immediately brought me back to the first year after Bill died, along with the fear and reminder of how life can change in the blink of an eye.

I like Jenny Lee’s kind attitude towards herself, as she deals with triggers after the death of her fiance’. She says, “I am normal. I am moving forward in the best way I know how with God’s guidance and love. I am where I am supposed to be and moving at the pace I am supposed to be moving…there’s no rush and no “moving on” or “getting over” grief…it’s part of me and I am growing into a stronger woman.” (to read her full post, click on GriefTalk at the top of this page).

What triggers your grief? How do you take care of yourself in the midst of it?

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