Archive for January, 2013

Denial is one of the first-fruits of grief. While long-term denial is unhealthy, initially it helps cushion us until we’re able to absorb the shock of our loss.

I had many “firsts” after my husband died ten years ago:  the realization he wasn’t coming back, our first “non” anniversary, Christmas, his birthday, and on and on… 

I met each “first” head on with…denial. Even as I knew full well he was gone. My thoughts ran in circles around me: He’s gone and he’s never coming back? How can that be? Bill’s got to be somewhere in this world. He can’t be gone. Well…you know he is. Then why can’t I grasp this?

You know and you don’t know.

Temporary denial is normal. When denial is prolonged for months on end, some help may be needed. Be kind to yourself. Seek out an understanding friend to listen to you, or talk with a bereavement counselor or therapist skilled in dealing with grief.

How has denial helped you? How has it hurt you?


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Who Holds My Hand?

Here’s my latest article published this month in the  Living Better at 50+ online magazine.

August 4th, 1961. My husband of but a few moments holds my hand as we walk up the aisle. Grinning. The white-ribboned pews are filled with relatives and friends.

Members of my church family lean forward in their balcony seats, grinning back.

Two hours later, Bill once again holds my hand as we leave this building through its double-glass doors. He takes me far away into a new life with him.

More than forty years pass before… (to read full article): http://www.livingbetterat50.com/holds-hand/

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Recently, I came across the verses our pastor used to bring comfort to my husband while he was ill. What refreshment these must have been for his parched soul, since  Bill was paralyzed and could no longer read the Bible for himself.

All he could do was look Pastor Bob straight in the eye and say,  “I’m dyin…”

The next day, Bob came back to the hospital & shared these words with him:

“Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.” 2 Corinthians 5:1

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little whle you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials…for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”  I Peter 1:6 & 9.

“Never again will (you) hunger; never again will (you) thirst…And God will wipe away every tear from (your) eyes.” Revelation 7:16 &17b.

Living water which brought radiance to Bill’s face and hope for his future.

And ours.

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A Blessed New Year to all my dear readers! May God hold you in His arms of Love & Compassion daily, as you move towards healing on your grief journey.

What are you hoping for in the coming year?

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