Archive for April, 2010

My Grief, His Joy

Eight years ago this weekend, my husband breathed his last. I watched while the tips of his fingers turned blue, felt his once-strong runner’s pulse become almost indiscernible and held my own breath as his shallow ones moved further and further apart.

The distance between us had already grown. Several weeks before, Bill had begun to long for Heaven more than for earth in a paralyzed body. When I tried to get him to continue to drink water and take his meds, he asked me in his garbled voice, “Do you weally wanl me lo poslpone life?”

This year April 2 fell on Good Friday. The commemoration of Jesus’ death on the cross; looking towards Easter when Christians the world over, sing with their hearts in one accord, “Alleluia, Christ arose!”

After all this time, I still wish Bill were at my side. For my sake anyway. On Friday, I was at his gravesite with my annual anniversary irritability and fatigue. At 6:32 p.m., I laid a single white rose–symbolizing life–on his monument, to celebrate, for his sake, the moment Bill entered into LIFE.


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