Archive for May, 2010

A Good Grief

Now and then, a loved one will express concern over my writing so consistently about loss. I tell them, “It’s a shame to waste a good grief.” Not to mention the theraputic value of putting pen to paper…

To that end, I decided to make the most of it, by writing a book entitled, Grief Can Make You Crazy. In it, I’m highlighting all the crazy (but normal) things we as grievers go through. Those unwanted feelings that add to our grief and make it worse than it needs to be. The all-gone fatigue that asks, “What’s wrong with me?” The rattled mind. “Am I losing it?” And the numbness…”I’ve conquered my grief!”…only to be hit broadside with a tidal wave of sorrow.

In Grief Can Make You Crazy, I’m covering topics such as anxiety, quilt, denial, shock, depression and indecision.

For the next few months, I’ll be gathering one paragraph ‘crazy stories’. If you have one or more of your own, either now or during a past grief, and would like to be included in this book, (by first name only), please comment below or e-mail me your story. (selzinga@hotmail.com). You will be able read it over and give permission or make changes before it’s published.

What have you gone through while grieving, that made you feel as though you were going crazy? Did it add to your sorrow?

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“I feel like I’m a gerbil on an exercise wheel, ” my friend Amy says as she stumbles through the first year after her husband’s death. “I’m not getting anywhere going forward, and I can’t go backwards. I’m gonna crash and burn if I try and get off!”

I crashed and burned because I didn’t. I came to a dead stop…unable to function at all–wracked with nausea and the trembling side effects of no sleep.

I lay in bed for weeks recovering. Pacified with tranquilizers. I had plenty of time to ponder how I got myself into this state. Do I really need to do everything I do? Do I think I can solve all problems? Be there for everyone?

Obviously not.

Bill had been my rock before his death, helping me set time boundaries with our joint decisions. Balancing out my people-pleasing personality.

Afterwards, I suspect I wanted some sense of control; to recreate order in a world gone chaotic without my husband in it to share the load. And if I couldn’t in my own life, then in someone elses.

I am blessed in having four grown children who were even more scared than I was, over my lack of health. They took over and gifted me with the absolute peace and quiet I needed to heal.

Now if I could only learn to set my own boundaries…

What can you let go of? Sometimes not much, if you’re working and raising a family alone.

Who can you ask to share your load?

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