Widowhood: A Single Strand in a World of Twine

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(Published CHERA Fellowship, Winter, 2012)

Grief Revisited

Ten years into my walk alone. My grief is pretty much on the back burner of my life, so I was surprised to find myself beyond exhaustion again during the holiday season. Only now, two weeks later, am I gaining strength to live a “normal” day.

But time has added other things to marr my physical well-being. I live with less energy and more back pain. In anticipation, I cut down on all possible activities throughout the busy month of December. I monitered my strength daily and tried to get plenty of sleep. Still, I couldn’t shake a feeling of sadness.

Oh yes, this was the time of year when Bill became sick all those years ago…that time of fear and uncertainty when he and I wondered together, ”Is this serious?”

The body remembers.

When I asked a widow of 17 years, what it’s like for her these days when an anniversary or holiday hits, she admitted, “I get exhausted.”

So much for time healing all wounds.

This is a different sadness though. Not the raw, biting kind as in the beginning of my grief, but more of a subdued, underlying feeling, not at all overwhelming. More of a, “Hey, I still miss you, but I really am ok.”

I think Bill would be pleased to hear this.

A Blessed Christmas to all my readers. May you rest in the arms of Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

Christmas Priorities

I’ve been thinking a lot about priorities this week, particularly since Christmas is right around the corner. I need to cut back on some of my activities to allow for its busyness.

Yesterday, as I put groceries in the trunk of my car after shopping, I saw a wreath there, that I’ve been meaning to put out by Bill’s grave. Surely this would be a #1 priority…  So, on my way home, I stopped by the cemetary and placed it in front of his monument

But as I was working with it, trying to make it the most perfect wreath in the entire place, I realized Bill would be shaking his head at this. He wouldn’t care much about all of the hullabaloo of the Christmas season. Why would he? He’s with the Christ of Christmas. His top priority.

What’s your priority this Christmas?

When You Aren’t Having Such a Happy Holiday

Today’s post is written by Jenna Deckert, M.A., Therapist and Co-Owner of Sacred Space Counseling.

     “Tis the season to be jolly, happy and merry, but for a lot of people the holidays are a very difficult time. You may be grieving the loss of a loved one or…   

Read more at: http://sacredspacecounseling.blogspot.com/2008/12/when-you-arent-having-such-happy.html

Gratitude in Grief

As Thanksgiving Day beckons, I pause to reflect on my life nine years after my husband’s death.

Though I will always miss Bill, I am grateful for the many years we were able to spend together.  And, for the children and grandchildren who are the result of those years together. I echo the statement of one of my granddaughters who, at age seven said, ”Granpa had my dad and my dad had me. If he didn’t let my dad be born, I woldn’t be born.”

Then too, there are Bill’s words of wisdom remembered through the years. “Wait three days before making any major decision.” This advice serves me well…when I heed it.

But most of all, my gratitude abounds in the priviledge I had, of observing my husband during his final days on earth. He pointed me  to Jesus Christ, the One who sustained him in his paralysis. The one who sustains all of his own, in grief.

 

Grief in ‘The Muir House’

If any house has cornered the market on grief, I would think it would have to be a funeral home.

In Mary De Muth’s latest fiction, The Muir House*, Willa Muir, seeking answers to her past, flees back to the funeral home she grew up in. Though it’s now a Bed & Breakfast, her bedroom is still next door to what had been the embalming room. Could she hear the sounds of old as she stood on the “threshold of memories”? The last funeral there had been her daddy’s.

This is Mary De Muth’s most intriguing writing to date, rich with vivid word pictures. For example: “Mother slept on the line between life and death, steadily breathing earth’s air. Pulling it in, in light rasps.”

This book is about more than death. Willa sorts through the grief and losses of her past in order to move into a future of freedom. We too in grief, look for our “Muir House”…that place called Home.  

For me, Home is in the arms of God. Safe. Secure. Never alone.The author of my past, my present and my future.

Where is Home for you?

*copy provided by Zondervan Publishers

For more information on Mary De Muth and her books, see her website: http://marydemuth.com.

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree: A Comfort in Grief

In each of my grown children, I see glimpses of the past: those long-ago days when my husband was still alive.

My oldest son lives a practical life, but he also has a  super-fun loving side. Like his father before him.

My daughters’ show different facet’s of Bill’s nature. One has his determination; the other his frank honesty. I always know where I stand.

My youngest son likes to tease me…as his father did. And I like to call him on it…as I did his father.  But last week, he stood in my kitchen talking with me. He gestured with  hands like Bill’s, while  a “so familiar” expression crossed his face.

I interrupted him. “Did you feel like your dad just then?”

“I did,” he smiled. “I really did.”

When I see things like this, Bill doesn’t seem so far away.

What do you see in a relative of your loved one that comforts you in your grief?

Offering Condolences: 10 Helpful Things to Say to a Grieving Person

Check out this article by Paula Spencer Scott, Caring.com senior editor.

“When offering condolences, there are plenty of things not to say to a grieving person; finding the right words can be harder.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 For the complete article, click here: http://www.caring.com/articles/condolences.

God’s Presence In Grief

A few weeks ago, I temporarily moved a mile down the street to dog-sit Molly, while my son and his family went on vacation.

I’m on a retreat, I realized, when I sat out on their back deck under the towering oak trees. I was surrounded by my daughter-in-law, Wendy’s vegetable plants…green peppers, tomatoes and herbs.  All thriving. Does she use Miracle Grow or is this the result of her natural green thumb?

I looked out over their back yard, to see a doe and two fawns feasting on the grass. The fawns seemed unstressed by the fierce barking of a neighbor dog and unafraid at my presence.

They were with their protector. She hovered a few yards away, keeping a steady eye on her children.

Like God does with us…the brokenhearted.*

At the end of the week, Molly was reunited with her family and I returned home. Refreshed.

Do you feel God’s presence with you in your loss?  In what way?

*Psalm 34:18. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.”