Click on Article to enlarge
(Published CHERA Fellowship, Winter, 2012)
Like this:
One blogger likes this post.
Widowhood: A Single Strand in a World of Twine
January 25, 2012 by sandielzinga
11 Responses
Leave a Reply
Writing is my passion, my joy, my therapy
Archives
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
Categories
Hertel Award 2010 First Place: And Timothy Giggled. Best Children’s Story, Maranatha Christian Writer’s Conference
HERTEL AWARD, 2011. FIRST PLACE, A LIFE REGLUED: FINDING GOD’S GRACE ON A SIDE TRIP THROUGH ANXIETY. BEST ARTICLE, MARANATHA CHRISTIAN WRITER’S CONFERENCE
wow…….its hard to explain my soulmate died suddenly from a brain aneurysm ….we were like that finishing each others sentences, our own language that others did not get..what may have bothered others we had long ago accepted …we were laughing and 2 hrs later I was holding him in my arms on ground…and Drs saying he was gone then (before I got him to hospital)and there was nothing they could have done if he was standing next to them…ppl ask my story then when i finish they ask …..so are you dating ” no” ? when are you going to start dating? ” im not ready” why not? oh are you living all by yourself ” yes I can take care of myself I am 41 years old” (this started 2 weeks after he passed away) its been 16 months I am still trying to figure me out what am I going to do….instead of what we are going to do? I feel like I am making steps forward only to have someone who does not understand that I held someone in my arms and watched them gasping for air and the light go out of there eyes and I always took care of them(he had diabetes) and always made them better and this time i was helpless and could not make it better and when someone says move on, get over it, he would not want you to be like this,it was for the best, God has a reason for everything, it was meant to be, thankful I still have those few who listen when I have a memory and smile or cry with me…I am making steps forward each day but sometimes I am knocked back a few
Thank you for sharing Cindy. I can’t imagine how you feel, but my own experience teaches me that we do not “get over it.” The intensity will lessen but this was someone very precious to you. It will take time and I hope that you find people who can companion you on your journey with less words and maybe some warm hugs. Take your time. The important thing I read in your posting as difficult as it was, is that you loved one did not die alone and I hope that is in some way comforting. You were a wonderful support to them is what I have read here.
No one but God knows what this person would want for you to do in this circumstance; as it is you are doing the best you can. I am going to keep you in my prayers, confident that over time you will know what is best for Cindy. Take care of yourself and know that in some small way someone cares for you and about you.
Cindy,
I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry you’ve had to struggle with people who just don’t understand what it’s like.
I was asked 6 months after my husband died, if I wanted to date or remarry. It’s been 10 years and I still don’t! I guess some people just want us to feel better, but it takes time.
How long were you two together?
Cindy, I too lost my soulmate almost 18 months ago. Sam died from complications of surgery and I was 180 miles away. I still miss him and my heart is still in a million pieces. People have said the same to me and at times I get very angry. I know Sam wants me to be happy, but I also know he understands my grief. It is one breath at a time until you
realize you are breathing. I know with all my heart that there will never be another Sam. I count each day I was loved as a blessing and know one day I will see him again. Sam always waited on me and he continues to wait. God has a plan for my life and until I am called home, I will take each day one step at a time. Trust me when I say, you have found a safe haven here. The wonderful women that I have found here have held my hand for 18 months and will do the same for you. Listen to your heart, savor the memories, tune out unwanted advice and most of all trust God when you are still trying to figure out why. I put my head on God’s shoulders every night and cry to him for peace and rest. My prayers are with you. Take care of yourself and you do not have to walk this journey alone. We are here.
thankyou for sharing…no one understands unless theyve been where we are now…God bless anyone who reads this
Thanks, Susie,
I agree, people don’t really understand unless they’ve been in the same situation. Glad we have each other.
Your postings are always so timely for me; I too, am blessed with a friend who has experienced the death of a spouse, and we went out for brunch today. As I was waiting for our meals to arrive, I reflected that it had been nine years since I separated from my husband and five years since his suicide. We shared with one another the things we had learned about ourselves through the process of grieving our losses; we talked about the things we missed about sharing life with a companion/spouse and how we were beginning to appreciate our singleness and the new freedoms we had. We touched on the importance and challenge of self awareness without judgment as we continue to grow and stretch emotionally through the passing months and years.She laughed when I said, “I’m sorry for talking so much but liiving alone I miss having someone to share my feelings and thoughts with.” She pointed out to me that another one of our friends, newly separated, often apologized for tlaking so much for the same reason. At that moment, I found myself deeply grateful for the blessing of friends.
Heather,
Sounds like you had a wonderful talk with your friend! I am so grateful for friends too; particularly the ones I can talk openly to.
It really helps.
Sandi,
Wonderful! I can’t even put into words how I felt as I read your article. My eyes teared as I felt that same emptiness and then the delight as God brought someone for you to share your grief on that night of reunions. Thank you for sharing this beautiful, heartwarming article that is filled with so much hope for those of us “getting used to it”.
Thank you Jenny, I’m so glad it was helpful.
Sandi,
Your article continues to be on my mind. I am taking the time to see the people God brings to me when I feel alone. Comforting to know we are never truly alone.
Keep writing for I am always checking in to see what wonderful things you have to share. Thank you Sandi for this site and all the post.
Jenny,
Thank you! I so appreciate you.
Sandi